can we please just take a moment to close our eyes and imagine how insanely hilarious and refreshing a public debate between tony stark and romney would be
On gay marriage:
“No, you don’t understand, Mittens, of course I recognize gay marriage and complete equal benefits for my employees; I trust them with the best technology and equipment and explosives in the country. As long as they don’t blow up my facilities, I’ll do whatever’s necessary to keep them happy and healthy. Explosives, Mittens.”
On reproductive rights:
“Just for a second, close your eyes, and imagine that the Black Widow is your co-worker. And also lives two floors down from you, so she knows where you sleep. She once incapacitated me- for my own health, of course, but that’s irrelevant- she can do any job a man can do, better, without breaking a sweat, and she learned ‘enhanced interrogation’ from the KGB. Do you want to tell her what she can or cannot do with her own body? I thought not. Okay, moving on.”
“Who remembers that stock crash when I first came out as Iron Man and said I wasn’t making weapons anymore?” *uncomfortable snickers from audience*
“No, go ahead, laugh. Everyone thought I was crazy. Pepper thought I was crazy, and I owe her a pony for putting up with me all these years. Oh, shoot, national TV, now I have to give her one, don’t I? Anyway, they thought I was crazy, because I was shutting down the biggest branch of SI, where most of our manufacturing and research went. Investors didn’t have hope. But you know what? We took those brilliant people, got some fresh ideas, remodeled some factories, and not one employee got laid off that year. Because if you people work hard, and work together, and you work in a fair environment where every crazy, brilliant idea has a chance to flourish, then you can take half a company and grow it to bigger than it was before.
And that’s what we need to do with jobs in this country. These unemployment statistics? Suck. So let me give you some numbers about how I plan to fix that, so we can get this country working again. Here’s the plan: and then he goes and gives statistics, and Romney makes a fish face, because Pepper Gave Him Notecards And He Actually Followed Them. Well, for this part of the speech.
I am Iron Man, in case you don’t watch the news. Also, we have a Hulk. Just putting that out there. Considering the events of the last few years, I think other countries will think twice about pissing off President Stark.
On green energy: Stark is pretty much still the only name in green energy, and all our new facilities are LEED Gold certified. We’re still working on upgrades to some of the oldest buildings, but they’re well on their way. You know how hard it is to get building permits in California? So yeah, I support the efforts we make in this country to live more sustainably. Because I love this country, and I’d like to save it for the long run. It’s kind of what I do. Because it’s awfully hard to Avenge against pollution.
And in case they get into a dick size contest over who loves America more…
“I’m in a monogamous relationship with freedom”
i’m crY I CAN NO LONGER HANDLE THIS WORLD
omg help me I’ve fallen down laughing and crying and can’t find the will to get up
Okay, everyone go home. Tony Stark and this post just won the Internet.
#Tony would win #then get really tired of the job #and he’d just make Pepper run the country for him
#And Pepper would most probably run it 9000-120000000x better than any man
The Avengers are every person you see in high school.
The shy nerd
The asshole you just can’t hate
The hot foreign guy
The quiet guy who’s always playing guitar and probably smoking something
His bitchy/bad ass girlfriend (depending on if she likes you or not)
The emo kid that somehow gets all the chicks
And that one cheerleader that EVERYONE knows has a hard-on for the athlete
Ok I’ve been looking across tumblr for information on real life purges in different areas so I can warn people about the fucked up shit that might happen:
August 15th: 8 PM- 6:30 AM
August 16th: 8 PM- 6 AM Rumors for planned attacks on The Katy Perry concert, The State Fair and various high school’s football games.
The Bay Area:
August 25th: 12 AM-6 AM
August 30th 12 AM- 6 AM
Apparently in deep San Fransisco, Oakland, Palo Alto and Vallejo.
August 31st: 12 AM
I couldn’t find any information on a finishing time for Jacksonville, sorry x
There are rumors that people have seen people in vans wearing masks similar to those in the purge and they were apparently armed. PLEASE stay safe, lock your doors and if you’re going out for the evening make sure you’re safe. I love you x
psa;As someone living in the Louisville area, I think it’s important that people anywhere in the US know that there are people in Kentucky (mainly the Louisville area), Detroit and other states who are planning a “Purge”, yes sadly and disgustingly based off that shitty, illogical movie. There have already been actual attacks in the name of said Purge where people have been seriously injured, maimed or killed. I’ll link to articles about what is happening because as ridiculous as this sounds it is not a joke. This is actually happening and the amount of people who are planning to do it is honestly astounding and disgusting.
Whether you are in the areas that people are planning to attack or not, please, please, please signal boost this. I can’t stomach the idea of people being hurt over that ridiculous fucking movie.
Governmental “Purges” have existed for a long time now, before the movie existed. Whether this is a joke or not, it is honestly better safe than sorry. Feel free to add onto this posts with links and/or info on what is happening. That would be greatly appreciated to keep everyone safe.
This is not a joke, as outlandish as it sounds.
Stay in your homes from 8 pm on Friday August 15 to 6 am August 16. Some assholes are threatening to have a real life ‘The Purge’ right here in Louisville KY. They’re threatening to attack the Katy Perry concert, the State Fair, and several high school football games. Be safe.